Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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