OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
