she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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