Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How naked do you want me to be?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
