It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
