I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
