i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
