Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
