Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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