i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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