so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think your dad took our porno
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
