ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
