How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
