Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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