i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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