what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
