The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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