It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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