I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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