i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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