If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
