I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize