I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
