Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
