I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
