I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
