I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
