Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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