I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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