It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
