I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
