wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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