He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
