piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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