I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
