I need help removing her.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
