Betty ford says i'm here all night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You need Xanax blowdarts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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