tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
