The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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