I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
