Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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