but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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