I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
