I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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