dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
