We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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