Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
