im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
