Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
