he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
