How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My life is pants optional.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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