i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize