he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my being single is dangerous.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
