you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
