and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
