I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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