Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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