But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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