then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
