You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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