sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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