His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
