Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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