why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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