we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
