Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
