I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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