Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
