Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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