Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
