I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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