Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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