I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
