can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I currently don't understand fingers.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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