There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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