i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
