He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize