We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
