I bet he comes in French.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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