Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
